i just read this article in the Mirror http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/bob-geldof-admits-peaches-death-7638967

according to this, bob says he contemplated suicide when peaches passed away.

poor bob.  poor poor bob.

feeling suicidal isn't very nice. btw.

(Arrgee I don't know if you'll be happy with the mental health stuff on here, so if you delete, so be it)

so anyway, I was extremely depressed in my late teens but especially in my very early twenties and I was suicidal.  well, it was more circumstantial depression at the time, I bloody hated my life at the time.  it was very complicated. and I got on somehow. I overdosed on some painkiller actually. then I felt physically ill. so I got to the hospital. and here I still am.  haha felt ill haha

I tried to change my life by going to university when I was 24.  and over those years a type of psychotic illness started to take hold.

when I was 27 the illness took a severe hold.

for the next few years I spent my life in a weird space I can tell you

til I just didn't want to continue.  I couldn't take the torment anymore of being alive.

I guess everyone has their breaking point.

everyone has that point where they can't take any more.  refuse to take the torment.  everyone.

it went over and over in my mind, how to get out of this fix.

until I decided finally that I didn't have anything to lose by getting help.

I went into psychiatric hospital voluntarily and never looked back.

probably the best thing I ever did.

I was in for 5 months and went from strength to strength.

so I know what mental pain is like.

I know how dark it becomes.

where even the sunshine has no meaning. no significance. only fake looking. cos you can't feel it. the joy of a summers day. people walking by laughing in the midst of the sun's rays. throwing their head's back rejoicing after a long cold winter. you don't resent their happiness. but you do still feel the cold harsh winter deep inside and you just don't relate.  you cannot feel what they feel. you can only feel the vast chasm between yourself and that girl throwing her head back laughing.

in those dark days of torment, I found a light. I found my own light. it wasn't hope as much as finding the love within myself. I know corny. hackneyed. but the one thing that really kept me going was that belief in myself that I could love. my intentions were good even if I'd failed miserably at being a friend to anyone.  I knew that I would LIKE TO MEET someone like me and be friends with them. because I knew my heart was damn good deep down.  hmmm purgatory. according to the catholic church its a state of purification between death and heaven. you suffer as you become pure.  well I'm not religious but the word crept into my mind as I was writing this.  well I had died inside. the light had gone out. but I found it again. no matter what, I knew my intention was good.  it helped immensely. cos I thought I damn well deserve to be with people with same intentions.

spirits bless us