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Post Info TOPIC: What sort of audience member are YOU?


V Deep

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What sort of audience member are YOU?
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MR. BEER BLADDER

Gender: Male

Species: Guy seated next to you who spends the whole concert

A. getting up to buy more beer

B. getting up to whiz

C. passed out with drool running down his chin

Habitat: Jimmy Buffett, Ted Nugent, Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts

Call: "Hey, remember when beer was only a buck-fifty? Now those were the days."



THE CELLPHONE ROCK PHOTOGRAPHER

Gender: Male or female

Species: Tech-obsessed dweeb who wastes half the show hoisting his or her phone in the air trying to snap a shot worthy of the Michael Ochs Archives

Habitat: Every concert since 2003

Call: "Dude, check out the resolution on my new Samsung."




THE EXCESSIVE FIST-PUMPER

Gender: Male

Species: Manic headbanger who keeps swinging his arm like a tomahawk, inadvertently bonking fellow concertgoers on the head

Habitat: Judas Priest, System of a Down, AC/DC shows

Call: "Yeah! [Expletive] Yeah!"



SINGALONG SUE

Gender: Female

Species: Woman or girl who sings every word to every song, usually in an off-key voice

Habitat: Kelly Clarkson, Neil Diamond, Paul McCartney concerts

Call: "YOU shut up – I paid my money, and I'll sing if I want."



THE HUMAN STILT

Gender: Male or female

Species: Fan in front who's blocking your view by standing on the seat or sitting atop her boyfriend's shoulders

Habitat: Whitesnake, Toby Keith, Eminem concerts

Call: "YOU sit down – I paid my money, and I'll stand where I want."




THE SPAZ DANCER

Gender: Male or female

Species: Flailing dervish who boogies nonstop in the aisle, making it impossible for you to focus on the stage

Habitat: Dave Matthews, Santana, Black-Eyed Peas concerts

Call: "Don't just sit there, people! C'mon! Get up!"



THE BELLY-RINGED FLASHER

Gender: Female

Species: Headbangress who, after quaffing two supersize Miller Lites, decides it's high time the world saw her rack

Habitat: Ozzfest, Mötley Crüe, Kid Rock shows

Call: "Wooo! Check it out! Wooo!"



THE SHRIEKER

Gender: Female

Species: Grown woman with a piercing soprano who reverts to a 13-year-old girl when the lights go down

Habitat: Duran Duran, Boyz II Men, Rod Stewart concerts

Call: "Rod! I LOVE you! RAAAHHHHHD!"




CHEECH AND CHONG JR.

Gender: Male

Species: Trustafarians who spark up one Marley-size blunt after another

Habitat: Allman Brothers shows, Snoop Dogg shows, Austin City Limits Music Festival

Call: "This bud smells like ditch weed, but be careful, man – it's hydroponic."


 


THE 90TH-ROW REQUEST SHOUTER

Gender: Male

Species: Doofus in the cheap seats who keeps screaming the title of some obscure old song, as if the band will actually hear him and play it

Habitat: U2 concerts

Call: " 'Shadows and Tall Trees!' 'Shadows and Tall Trees!' "



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House on Fire

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I definitely sing a long and am a terrible singer, lol!   Tried the headbanging when at college, hurt my neck for ages after

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The biggest Geldof fan in the world, bar none!

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I'm a bit of a mix, I sing sometimes and it's awful.

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Drag Me Down

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sometimes I sing along, I dance a lot though. Mostly I try to stay out of everyone's way and try not to annoy anyone.

which one are you, fran? heh

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V Deep

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Me?  I'm the one flashing my rack at Ozzfest, but since I've had so much cheap beer and hydroponic weed I'm also shrieking (alternatively) "I Love You Rahhhhhd!" and "Shadows and Tall Trees!" (because I'm too stoned to know where the hell I am); all the while boogieing madly in the aisle, pumping my fists, taking blurry photos and singing along. 


Or not. 



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Dave

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I'm a cross between Singalong Sue, The Belly Ringed Flasher and The Row 90 Request Shouter (whoops, male only??) ... Lol.. I find this very funny Franna! *ggg*

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Tonight

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Found this by chance - thanx Fran for an excellent LOL


I'm definately a Singalong Sue, but enjoy being a Spaz Dancer if given the chance.


BTW, what's a 'rack'? Can't think of an assosciation with belly-rings ...



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V Deep

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"Rack" is slang for a woman's breasts.

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Tonight

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Thanx for the translation.  Mmmm.  Must say it doesn't sound the most 'complimentary' slang ... wonder where it comes from?

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V Deep

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I've discussed this with Steve, and so far we've come up with two possiblities:


1) Rack is also used to refer to antlers (deer/elk/moose etc.)


2) Hat or coat rack, as in "a nice place to rest your beer."



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Tonight

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Ahhhhhhh. I didn't know the connection with antlers, though that isn't too surprising as we don't have many (?any) creatures of that kind in Oz ... I think there may be a type of buffalo in the Northern Territory (read far North, red desert).


Antlers makes sense, though it brings a whole new meaning to "locking antlers" - maybe an alternative to mud wrestling ...


Hat or coat rack - another uncommon thing here. But as for "a nice place to rest your beer", unfortunately I can't help but be reminded of one of the more rotten jokes that abound in this beer-swilling nation;


What does the perfect girl look like?


Three feet tall, with a flat head.


Pretty awful, eh?



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Tonight

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I sing a long while i'm standing on the seat dancing and i will defently take some photos while i'm at the concert. So, it's a very different mix.


Funny to see the once that choose The belly-ringed flasher. It gives a funny idea of the person, wich you have never seen.



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In the Long Grass

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i sing along and have a bit of a headbang too

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Back To Boomtown

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franna wrote:

MR. BEER BLADDER

THE CELLPHONE ROCK PHOTOGRAPHER

THE EXCESSIVE FIST-PUMPER

SINGALONG SUE

THE HUMAN STILT

THE SPAZ DANCER

THE BELLY-RINGED FLASHER

THE SHRIEKER

CHEECH AND CHONG JR.

THE 90TH-ROW REQUEST SHOUTER


 None of the above.  I will admit to taking the odd snap with my mobile, shouting a request at the front and dancing around a bit, but I am not too extreme.  Suss will probably have a better opinion but maybe old fan who just want to hear the old band songs rather than the new solo cr@p.

 smile

The most disgusting thing happened to me at the Pulp gig recently.  It was all a bit crowded at the front, when the fat lardy sweaty bloke in front of me decided to remove his shirt...  Cue me immediately moving three yards to the left.  The woman I was stood next to looked at me and went three yards to the right.  The guy had a rack, but it was not a pretty sight.



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 What is this bloke talking about? 


Loudmouth

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I always wonder what the audience are looking for. It is a bit 'unnatural' for a band to recreate live what in the studio took months of meticulous honing to create an artificial produce, a record album- then to go out and play it live, as if this was some sort of natural thing to do.

I always wonder why people in the audience are trying to recapture some past time or feeling. What is live music trying to prove? It can seem like a form of artificial spontaneity

Andy Partridge of XTC is really good at explaining this. Since XTC stopped playing live concerts back in 1982 he wonders is it that people do not believe the band of stage recorded the music, and that only by it being performed live that fans are satisfied?

I may not be making myself too clear, but generally I've preferred recorded music as it is more certain and definitive. 'Live' songs can be anything from dreadful to excellent- any way the wind blows, depending on so many factors peculiar to the live music setting. There are so many variables. Even the hoary old thing about a band coming on for an encore, or uber cool bands not doing an encore is a bit corny. Smashing instruments on stage is corny and most 'acts of rebellin' are from the book of rock cliches, which is a well thumbed volume by now.

Can't think of a neat encapsulation of me at a gig- perhaps a bit like Jack Dee with a hangover!



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Mondo Bongo

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noelindublin wrote:

Can't think of a neat encapsulation of me at a gig- perhaps a bit like Jack Dee with a hangover!


 I think I would pay good money just to see Jack Dee with a hangover



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The Fine Art of Surfacing

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i am a spaz dancer pmsl i just get really carried away and want to dance all night long................. pisses me off when people are stuffy n boring and sit there like wet saps complainin about dancing, wtf dont they get up and and be a spaz too.

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Like Clockwork

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I'm the one stood front & center arms folded, occasionally nodding, looking like I'm really not enjoying it, but really just that focused listening & watching everything. :')

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The Fine Art of Surfacing

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deffo am the spaz dancer

:)

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^^^^^Cool post as always Joan^^^^^^^^
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